By Victoria Alexander

Las Vegas: Satan Vacations Here

Victoria Alexander for District Judge, CineVegas “Ocean’s Thirteen” Gala, All Hail Regal Cinemas, Tom Clancy’s 60th Birthday Gala Photos, Refugio Altiplano on YouTube, Café Rio in Summerlin, Bill Clinton in the White House with Nothing to Do? and more...

Victoria Alexander for District Judge. I'm not qualified to be a judge, but in Las Vegas that does not matter. I’m offering myself as a candidate for a judgeship, so if you can run a political campaign and can use me, here are my qualifications: I'm thin, can breathe on my own, look great in black, and my husband is not a criminal.

I decided to run for office since reading the local and national news about 425 lb. District Judge Elizabeth Halverson (pictured).

How did Halverson get elected? Did Halverson (called by angry Las Vegans “Jabba The Judge”) ever go door to door to get votes?

How many petition signatures do I need to run for office? If not me, why not just run a judge lottery? Anyone would be better than her.

When Halverson, who spent nine years as a law clerk, was fired, she ran for one judgeship and lost. Miraculously, in 2006 Halverson ran a second time and won. Halverson’s behavior toward her staff, particularly her bailiff, Johnny Jordan, started to leak out in the press. Halverson ordered Jordan to give her foot rubs and back massages. He said she treated him like a "house boy." Her court clerk, Katherine Streuber, said the judge's behavior was "vile, angry, degrading to anyone within her path."

If Las Vegans can vote an incompetent Halverson into office, anyone can run and win. I have no platform (except, as I said, “I'm thin, can breathe on my own, look great in black, and my husband is not a criminal”) or credentials, but obviously voters do not care about those things. What matters is that I have a nice name that would be on the top of the ballot.

I’m not going to bother spending any money on a campaign or billboards. Halverson did not since no one would vote a morbidly obese woman into an office she needs to be wheel-barreled into.

My campaign slogan will be: “Las Vegas Has Done Worse.”

CineVegas Opening Night Screening of Ocean’s Thirteen. Benefiting The International Rescue Committee for Not On Our Watch, the stars of Ocean’s Thirteen came to Las Vegas on Wednesday, June 6th in front of the Palms Casino Resort main entrance. Producer Jerry Weintraub (CineVegas Vanguard Producer Award Winner, 2007) and stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon (all pictured), Don Cheadle, Ellen Barkin and Andy Garcia walked the Red Carpet for the charity premiere.

Also walking the Red Carpet was Carrot Top, Wayne Newton, Dennis Hopper (Chairman of the CineVegas Film Festival with his wife Victoria, pictured) and Trevor Groth, Artistic Director of CineVegas.

Since 1998, the CineVegas Film Festival has sought to prove that it is “The World’s Most Dangerous Film Festival.”

The International Rescue Committee for Not On Our Watch, is an organization whose initial campaign is to support existing Darfur humanitarian relief efforts and to ensure the protection of civilians in that region. Festival President Robin Greenspun (pictured below) presented Weintraub and Not On Our Watch with a check representative of the proceeds of the festival’s fundraising efforts. The ninth annual CineVegas Film Festival is in full swing at the Palms Casino Resort and Brenden Theatres from June 6-16.

Sudan, the largest country in Africa was jointly colonized by England and Egypt from 1899 until its independence as a republic in 1955. Since independence, Sudan has been running the longest civil war in the world - 38 years. Approximately, 40 percent of the population is Arab and 60 percent are African. According to the CIA Fact Book, the religious makeup of Sudan is as follows: Sunni Muslim 70% (in north), Christian 5% (mostly in south and Khartoum), and indigenous beliefs 25%.





I made up a list of inappropriate questions I never asked. I thought about asking George how many Sudanese he had personally fed, and Matt if Casey Affleck wears a wig in real life. And while I kept telling the other reporters that I would ask Pitt if he and Angelina were looking for a third for another one of their threesomes, I lost my nerve when coming face to face with him. No one looks like Brad Pitt. He’s a walking masterpiece. Some young fan/reporter suddenly standing next to me grabbed Pitt and put her arm around his neck for what appeared to be 10 minutes. Later, I asked her what she whispered in his ear.

Hey, I couldn’t blame that girl for trying.

Tom Clancy’s 60th Birthday Gala. On June 2nd, with sailors lined up to greet us and the ship’s band playing, we were met by the Battleship New Jersey’s captain (with permission to come aboard). Tom Clancy’s 60th birthday black tie gala aboard the Battleship New Jersey was fantastic! We were among the hand-picked 125 guests brought together by Tom’s gorgeous, vivacious wife Alexandra.





There was a grand reception followed by a fabulous dinner. After dinner and before dessert, everyone went out on the New Jersey deck for an impressive fireworks display celebrating Tom’s birthday. Then Chef Duff (Jeffrey Adam "Duff" Goldman) star of the Food Network reality television show “Ace of Cakes,” brought out his custom-made replica cake of the Tower of London.

Why a cake replica of The Tower of London? The Yeomen Warders of Her Majesty's Royal Palace and the Fortress of the Tower of London, popularly known as the Beefeaters, are ceremonial guardians of the Tower of London. In principle they are responsible for looking after any prisoners at the Tower and safeguarding the British crown jewels. Yeoman Warders began guarding the Tower in 1485; today there are 35 Yeomen Warders and one Chief Warder. Tom is an honorary yeoman at the Tower of London. He is the only American that's ever been a Beefeater. He has the red dress, the pantyhose and everything that goes with the uniform. Several of Tom’s fellow Beefeaters came over from London for the festivities!

Most of the guests wanted to meet Buzz Aldrin, but I said: “Wait until you meet Buzz’s wife, Lois!” (photo of Lois and Buzz). I proceeded to introduce Lois to everyone. Within minutes of meeting, Lois (John had previously met Buzz at our friend Burt Rutan’s SpaceShip One roll-out) told me all the family secrets! If Buzz had never made it to the moon, she would have gleefully told me. Since Lois’s daughter lives in Henderson, Nevada, I expect to be seeing a lot of the outspoken Lois.

Lois is Buzz’s personal manager for all his endeavors and told us: “When I first met Buzz, I told him, ‘What do you mean you don’t get paid for speeches? That’s going to change!’” Lois has been married to Buzz for twenty years. Regardless of what Lois said, Buzz looked on totally bemused by his flamboyant wife.

As Backup Command Module Pilot for Apollo VIII, man's first flight around the moon, Buzz significantly improved operational techniques for astronautical navigation star display. Then, on July 20, 1969, Buzz and Neil Armstrong made their historic Apollo XI moon walk, thus becoming the first two humans to set foot on another world.

Alexandra Clancy. I don’t like women. I have no women friends. For me, a woman friend means lawsuits and tears. So, when I meet a woman whose personality I’m instantly drawn to, I know that my primal instinct has been bested. Alex Clancy is sensational.

Alex, a former television reporter, was introduced to Tom by her cousin Colin Powell. Her father is J. Bruce Llewellyn, whose firm, the closely held Philadelphia Coca-Cola Bottling Co., is one of the largest black-owned companies in the U.S. Tom and Alex have been married eight years and have a gorgeous, angelic daughter, Paige.

Café Rio Mexican Grill Comes to Summerlin. Café Rio has opened in the Smith’s mall at the corner of Fort Apache and Sahara, a few minutes away from our house. The staff is wonderful and the food – their idea of a meal (the Beans, Rice and Cheese Burrito is $5.50) is one that feeds three – is fabulous. All orders are custom-made at Café Rio’s open Mexican Marketplace kitchen. We are having our monthly free-floating lunch (The Barlow Lunch Group) at Café Rio on June 29th. Join us! Café Rio, 9002 West Sahara, Las Vegas (702) 948-1500. CAFE RIO MEXICAN GRILL

Rude Moviegoers Beware! All the regulars at promotional screenings in Las Vegas know me – I’m the one that screams at people who talk and yell at the parents of a wailing baby. Recently, the audience broke out in applause when I shouted – 20 rows away - at the mother of a crying baby. I will intentionally disrupt a screening by shouting: “You’re not in your living room!” In fact, before I sit down, I interrogate those around me: “You’re not going to talk or rattle a candy wrapper, are you?” I find it hard to believe that people will spend $9.75 to see a movie and then talk through it. Now comes this news item that should ease my movie-going trauma – when it comes to Regal Cinema’s Las Vegas theaters.

Regal cinemas can now silence those interruptions with the Regal Guest Response System, a virtual remote control to mute that annoying patron. A hand-held pager is given to a random member of the Regal Crown Club Loyalty Program who's attending each movie. If any situation does arise they can just press a button which goes directly to the pager that the manager has and the situation will be immediately resolved. The device can be used for reporting loud patrons, problems with the picture or sound, and even piracy. Regal Cinema says it never pinpoints the guest reporting the problems and the successful program is now being used in 114 theaters across the country. The Regal Guest Response System is being used in seven theaters in the New York area.

Adam Carolla on Rosie O’Donnell. I listen to Adam Carolla every morning on 107.5 KXTE.FM. I love his new co-host, soon-to-be divorced and angry about it, former child star Danny Bonaduce (pictured). I had been watching the first 20 minutes of “The View” – The Hot Topics segments. Where else would you have Rosie, a lesbian celebrity, talking about having great sex with her wife Kelli? I’ve promptly abandoned “The View” after Rosie left. Rosie should do a half-hour nightly show modeled on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”

"SHE has triple coverage as a minority: She's a woman, she's a lesbian, and she's fat. We can't do anything with her. She's like a spotted owl. She's an endangered species. She's protected by the government" - Adam Carolla on "Scarborough Country," explaining why Rosie O'Donnell is a national treasure.

The Next You. Why limit yourself to just being one person in a lifetime? According to WOW Report: Man Oh Manfred!, “French designer Thierry Mugler, once a tall, slim ballet dancer-looking designer, is now a gargantuan muscleman. A friend of his told WOW that when Mugler stopped doing collections some years back, he decided to "reinvent himself" and "change his whole persona."

Thierry, 59, spends five hours a day pumping iron and has packed on around 75 pounds of muscle - certainly with the help of supplements. Nowadays, he wears mostly custom tailored sweats and t shirts - when he has clothes on at all. Oh, and he now goes by the name Manfred. Despite these idiosyncrasies, we were relieved to hear that one thing hasn't changed - Mugler, according to friends, is still a "sweet, charming, generous gentleman." The WOW Report has the full frontal display of Thierry’s transformation.

Bill Clinton‘s Cabinet Post? I’m not going to vote for Hillary Clinton for just one reason. I know what her husband was doing in the White House when he was the “Most Powerful Man in the World” and had something to do. What will Bill be doing in the White House when he has nothing to do? Of course, if Hillary does get the Democratic nomination and wins the Presidency, she could always keep Bill “busy” by nominating him for Secretary of Defense or to head the CIA. Wouldn’t it be an insult to the office of the Presidency if Congress failed to approve a former president’s appointment? He’d be a shoe-in!

Refugio Altiplano. I’m packed and on my strict ayahuasca diet. I’ve stopped even thinking about food. Here is a photo of Scott Peterson and his staff at Refugio Altiplano, including an Italian guest (in grey parker). Scott explains the virtues of ayahuasca, the world’s most powerful herbal medicine, in a short YouTube posting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DE_hanEmae4.
(Photo thanks to Chris Clark.)




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