By Victoria Alexander

Las Vegas: Satan Vacations Here

Ronn Lucas at Planet Hollywood, The 3rd International Amazonian Shamanism Conference, Carving Up Africa Celebrity-Style, Zumanity at New York New York, Girls of Glitter Gulch Gentlemen’s Club, Virginia Tech Killer An “A” Student?, Limbo Real Estate Plummets, Soul-reader Brian Glazer and more...

There will be no Devil’s Hammer next week since FromTheBalcony.com’s Bill Clark, who builds TDH every week, is going on vacation! Bill, we want pictures! TDH will return Monday, May 14!

The Ronn Lucas Show. It’s a vanishing art, so Ronn Lucas is not only keeping it alive, but he is the acknowledged master of ventriloquism. Lucas, who recently left the Rio All Suites Hotel & Casino, where he did his afternoon show since 2001, decided on a five-year engagement at the Steve Wyrick Entertainment Complex at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. After an opening night reception hosted by Wyrick and Lucas, we went upstairs to the 500-seat theater.

This was my first visit to see the boyish Lucas (he’s been doing this for 30 years?) and his puppets, Scorch, a teenaged dragon, Buffalo Billy, and some rap dude in a Mohawk. Lucas loves what he does and it shows. He doesn’t want to get off the stage and, for an afternoon show, Lucas more than delivers. He is a virtuoso ventriloquist. I would like to see Lucas put on a Mohawk wig or cowboy hat and, instead of bickering with his characters, why not get down and dirty with one of them? I know performing duos end up hating each other and sparring onstage, but Lucas’ partners are puppets! Unless, of course, Scorch and Ronn are the Simon and Garfunkel of ventriloquism acts. Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino

The 3rd International Amazonian Shamanism Conference: Healing Plants and Navigational Tools will be held in Iquitos, Peru, from July 7-14, 2007. While I am in Iquitos staying at Refugio Altiplano - Shamanic Healing Centre, I hope to be able to meet the illustrious presenters, healers, and curanderos brought together by Alan Shoemaker. Alan founded Soga Del Alma (Vine of the Soul) seven years ago and recently finished building the retreat’s second chapel on the Rio Itaya just outside Iquitos, Peru. (Shown is a photo of the main chapel at Soga Del Alma).

Alan has brought together many terrific guest speakers including Dr. Dennis McKenna, Peter Gorman, Dr. Richard Grossman, famed ayahuasca artist Pablo Amaringo, and filmmaker Jan Kounen. Refugio’s Scott Petersen will also be a speaker at the Conference.

Among the many shamans who will be at the Conference is Norma Panduro Navarro (pictured). Norma's healing centre is on the Iquitos-Nauta highway and then a half hour easy walk into deep jungle. Norma dedicates herself to healing people from any form of addiction and other illnesses with the help of Ayahuasca and all the other plants the Forest provides. http://www.amazonayahuasca.com/. Many of the shamans at the Conference will conduct ayahuasca ceremonies in the evenings for those attendees interested in an authentic experience. For more information on the Conference, go to: 3rd International Amazonian Shamanism Conference.

Carving up Africa: Celebrity Style. Bono flexes his bully muscle on the political front demanding relief for the African debt, while Oprah Winfrey has claimed South Africa, pumping $40 million into the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy. Winfrey even handpicked 73 South African disadvantaged girls, the first of hundreds of girls who will attend her new school just outside of Johannesburg, South Africa.

Madonna (Defamer.com calls her a “baby-snatching do-gooder”) laid claim to Malawi and arrogantly named her project “Raising Malawi.” Does every third world country need an American patron saint arriving in limos and with a film crew? Madonna was accompanied on her second PR tour to Malawi with her adopted son David and daughter Lourdes. She visited Consol Homes, a day care center that she is funding in the village of Masekese, Malawi. http://www.raisingmalawi.org/

Madonna did not allow little David to meet with his biological father while in Malawi. Madonna was supposed to visit South Africa after her trip to Malawi, but she cancelled those plans after being snubbed by former South African president Nelson Mandela, whose handlers told Madonna that he was too busy for a meeting. We all know the reason why. South Africa is Oprah’s fiefdom.

Angelina Jolie started off the current celebrity adoption craze and has three adopted children from Cambodia, Ethiopia and Vietnam. Babies need mothers, toddlers get nannies. (Angie’s newest accessory, 3 ½ year old Pax, even has his own interpreter who goes to day care with him!) Madonna and Oprah bested Jolie by identifying themselves with only one impoverished country.

Did Madonna try to step on the head of the satrap of South Africa? Did Madonna try to breach the treaty? I believe there was a Celebrity Yalta Summit to carve up Africa like the Big Three (Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin) did to Eastern Europe after World War ll.

I’m going on a Gorilla Masai trek in October through Rwanda, Kenya and Uganda. Lindsay Lohan, stay away from Uganda! I’ve already put a bid in on it!

Movies this Week. This week was dedicated to movies. I saw “The Condemned” starring Cold Stone Steve Austin (YES), “Spider-Man 3” (NO), “Vacancy” (YES) and “Next” starring Nicholas Cage (YES) and “Fracture” again (YES). I also watched a DVD of a harrowing Japanese horror film called “Audition.” It is a torture film expressly Japanese in style – this means it is erotically creepy and a not-so-subtle comment on the angry, suppressed and complicated Asian sex drive. It is the story of a lonely, devoted father and TV producer who agrees to hold mock auditions for a leading female role. But it’s really an audition for him to meet a young woman to marry. He picks the wrong girl. The film is a slow, gentle story that leads up to a torture scene. In the intro, “Audition” is hailed by Eli Roth and Rob Zombie, among others, as one of the most perverse horror films of all time.

My film reviews end with: Victoria Alexander lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and answers every email. You can contact Victoria directly at masauu@aol.com or by visiting www.FilmsInReview.com.

“Spider-Man 3” opens May 4. Within one hour of posting my review, I started receiving furious emails from fans – they all want me publicly caned and then fired - for my negative review. Fans of Spidey haven’t seen the movie.

Zumanity at New York New York. Cirque du Soliel’s erotic "Zumanity" opened three years ago. I finally saw it Thursday night after it has been re-tooled and with a new advertising campaign. I had no idea what to expect. The set is Early Parisian Bordello or, if you prefer, the party room at vampire Armand’s lair.

Host/hostess Joey Arias, “The Mistress of Seduction”, (pictured) is mesmerizing and the center of attention until Ulziibayar Chimed and Ariuna Batchuluun float in a huge water-filled bowl. (Dita Von Teese should go see “Zumanity” and sign up for erotic lessons.) My favorite was aerialist Robyn Houpt who moaned and groaned in an S&M tinged act. Instead of flowing white material, Robyn used rubberized, intentionally noisy black straps.

How come I never see Arias out and about around Las Vegas? Where does he live? How tiny is his waist?

The performers are all brilliant and meet the high standards set by Cirque. Aerialist Alan Jones Silva, a little man proud of his perfect physique, performs with dazzling Olga Vershinina. I even liked the “fat” ladies. Why not? Fat people have sex too! And, not to be elitist, there is a bold and long man-on-man kiss. I knew this was the sensual side of Cirque but I did not realize how intimate it would be. If you are a devoted fan of Cirque du Soliel, “Zumanity” is another triumph.

For tickets call the box office at 866.606.7111. Zumanity Ticket Prices: Cabaret Stools: $69, Balcony Seats: $69, Upper Orchestra Seats: $79, Orchestra Seats: $99, Duo Sofas: $129 (sold in pairs) Prices exclude live entertainment tax. Las Vegas Hotel - New York New York Hotel & Casino

Girls of Glitter Gulch Gentlemen’s Club. On Friday evening, we stopped at Girls of Glitter Gulch Gentlemen’s Club to see the $3.5 million renovation. Located across from Golden Nugget on Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas, Glitter has a long runway stage with 3 poles.

There are spacious booths for lounging and several smaller stages throughout the bar. Glitter Gulch prides itself as a world class topless club with gorgeous and talented dancers. The spacious club is filled with amenities that go above and beyond the standards for topless clubs in the Vegas area. There is no cover (until 8 pm) at the topless only Girls of Glitter Gulch. There is a two drink minimum and the drinks start at around $8. Cover charge is $20 after 8 pm and includes your first drink. (Photo credit: George Bekich)

Virginia Tech Killer An “A” Student? How did Cho Seung-Hui ever get into Virginia Tech in the first place? Who wrote his recommendation letters? Bloggers are asking the questions the news media are evading: What about the guy's school grades? If, as we have been led to believe, his writings are incoherent ramblings, how could he pass the courses and stay enrolled? Can you hand in a final exam that manifests incoherence and get a passing grade? How did he advance to senior year?

One Virginia Tech teacher suggested Cho was given A grades because he was so "intimidating and staff wanted to keep him happy."

Did Cho’s professors give him a passing grade to get him out of their classes or to keep him on campus so the tuition would keep on flowing? What does it say about an administration that ignores its professors and students, who were so scared of Cho’s behavior that, at one point, only seven out of 70 turned up for class, forcing lecturers to give him one-to-one tutoring. And finally, bloggers are asking if Cho got help based on how much ammunition he had.

Limbo Doesn’t Exist! Babies who die before being baptized will no longer be trapped in limbo following a decision by Pope Benedict XVI to abolish the concept from Roman Catholic teaching. Such souls could go to heaven, rather than exist between heaven and hell as they have done for almost 800 years. In the fifth century, St Augustine concluded that infants who died without baptism were consigned to hell.

I plan to be officially re-baptized on my deathbed following the example of Constantine the Great. Constantine died on May 22, 337 at Nicomedia, shortly after his baptism by Arian bishop Eusebius. Constantine was a Christian but waited until his deathbed to be baptized. (Postponing baptism until late life, near death, was a common practice in the fourth century.) His later years were stained with bloodshed, especially the execution of his eldest son Crispus (326) for treason and of his own second wife Fausta (327) on a similar charge. Constantine knew that a ruler had to do things that were against Christian teachings, so he waited until he no longer had to do such things. Upon baptism, all Constantine’s sins were erased and he was given a VIP pass to Heaven!

Just in case, it’s not a bad idea.

Praise, Hollywood Style. Russell Crowe has this to say about movie producer Brian Grazer (pictured in front of producing partner Ron Howard) in Time magazine's "Time 100" issue (May 4). Crowe said: "In a conversation . . . he can hear your soul. He knows almost instantly how you really feel about something, and in Hollywood . . . that instinctive, savant-like skill gives him an alchemist power."

Yes, it’s true, but whenever I’m with Brian I hid my soul. Crowe forgot to mention that Grazer can heal the sick and raise the dead.

Glazer produced Crowe’s ‘A Beautiful Mind” and “Cinderella Man.”

If you would like to contact me about this column, or be included on my private distribution list for a weekly reminder, just email me at Masauu@aol.com.

Copyright 2003-2006 FromTheBalcony. All rights reserved.